Imposter Syndrome, Identity Crisis, and Paving Your Own Path with Lauren Felter Artwork

Ebb and Glow

Welcome to Ebb and Glow — the podcast that shows you how everyday people are taking on life’s ups and downs and coming out better than before. Your host, Jenelle Tremblett, will be with you weekly and with special guests, to chat about everything from careers, relationships, mindset, and everything in between. Are you tired of only seeing the highlight reel? Me too. This podcast will instead be peeking behind the curtain to reveal all the steps, pep talks, and glasses of wine that must happen before we become strong, confident, and resilient.

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Ebb and Glow

Imposter Syndrome, Identity Crisis, and Paving Your Own Path with Lauren Felter

March 21, 2023 • Jenelle Tremblett • Episode 126

#126: After following the path to traditional success but only finding intense burnout and an identity crisis at the top, Lauren Felter blew it all up in January 2020 to do it her own way.

Today, Lauren Felter is "the designer that non-designers love". Her signature course, Create With Confidence is for non-designers who find designing an inevitable part of their regular to-do list. Lauren prides herself on a no-shame, no-shade approach to her web design, branding, and design education.

Lauren's Ebbs

Imposter syndrome
Identity crisis
Burn out
Moving across the country
Changing careers
Surgery

Lauren's Glows

Finding career fulfillment
Building a business
Learning empathy
Growing a team and learning to trust people you hire
Gaining self confidence
Learning how to self soothe

0:00

Welcome to the ebb and glow podcast. I'm your host, Janelle Tremlett. And I'm a firm believer that even when life doesn't go as planned, it is taking you exactly where you're meant to be on this podcast. I'm here to help you finally release control of what you think you want and begin to just trust in the ebbs and flows of life. Each week, I will show you how to build that positive mindset radiate with self confidence and cultivate an unshakeable resilience. Let me prove to you that even when life ebb. You will glow. Hello everyone. And welcome to episode 1 26 of the Eben glow podcast. It's so crazy to me, the how high that number is getting. I was thinking the other day, it feels like I just started the podcast, but it's already been two and a half years since we started. Wow. I always say, and I've said this on so many episodes before it just goes to show the time is always going to pass. So if there's anything you ever want to do or something that's in the back of your mind that you think, you know what I would do awesome at that. Now is the time to start and you can't wait any longer to start something that you've been continuously thinking about. And the best time to start is now. So there's a little inspiration now. Uh, before we get into the episode. Today's episode is with my guest Lauren Felter and Lauren. And I connect it, I think maybe just through like podcasting groups, because I was on her podcast. Maybe. I think it was back in like November 20, 21, which seems so long ago. if you're interested in that episode, I will put the link in the show notes. Lauren is a fantastic interview and just such an accomplished human overall. She told me that she's not doing her podcast anymore and focusing way more on her design courses that we will talk about in this episode. and her main business. So today's episode is all about imposter syndrome, identity, crisis, making changes in your life And really just paving your own path in life. But a lot of the times we question, can I do it? Will I do well? Am I am. I meant to do that. And we have those conversations with Lauren in this episode, and I'm sure if you're listening to this today. there's something now or in the past that wasn't always the right fit for you in your life. Whether or not it was a job, a relationship, maybe a friendship and something just felt off and. You all of a sudden thought, okay, something needs to change here. And even though it's scary right now. I know this change is going to be the right thing for me. so if that resonates at all, I know you're going to love today's episode. So my guest Lauren Felter is a designer, educator, and former ladder climber. She spent the first decade of her career overseeing marketing operations and technical systems for a university admissions office. While also teaching design as an adjunct faculty member after following the path to traditional success, but only finding intense burnout And an identity crisis at the top. She blew it all up in January, 2020 to do it her own way. Lauren turned her highly sought after university design course into one, specifically for non-designers who find designing and inevitable part of their regular to-do list. Lauren prides herself on a no shame, no shade approach to her web design branding and design education. When I asked Lauren how she navigated this time in her life. She mentioned that she did therapy, a lot of self exploration and time time was really what solidified the right path and the right choices for her. So with that being said, I know you're going to love the episode. And if you do make sure to share it with a friend and spread the word, because as I always say, if you're gaining value from it, someone else will too. Lauren, welcome to the. Hi. Thanks for having me. I am pumped. And for everyone listening today, It allows us to be reminded of what this is all about. So when Lauren first came on the recording, she's like, honestly, I don't feel well today. Like I'm low energy. And I was like, well, why didn't you just like reschedule? She's like, honestly, let's just get it done. And I wanna ask you, it's like At what point in time When we're sick, especially as women, I mean, we get pain once a month, every single month, and no one would know really. And you just kind of have to power through it. So like what's going through your head, knowing like the kind of schedule you have this week and for the rest of the month. Well, before I get into the question, I just wanna say that something I used to do when I worked in an office was I would keep a heating pad on me. Yes. And when men would walk into the office and they would see that, it would immediately, they would just kind of be like, uh uh, like, I don't, I don't need that thing anymore. You know, like, they're so weird. They're so awkward. That is one thing that I do miss about, maybe one of the only things I miss about working in an. But, okay. So to answer your question I, I mean, I kind of posted about this on Instagram yesterday because I am gearing up for a flash sale next week. Mm-hmm. and so of my course, and so that means that all this week I'm posting every day about different components of the course and things that people need to know so that the day that the flash sale starts, they're like, okay, yeah, I'm, I, I have all the information I need, I'm ready to buy. And so, you know, I'm balancing that with also a really heavy client workload. Right now. I've got you know, several websites that I'm building right now, and, you know, brands that I'm working on that are in, you know, different phases of the process. And I mean, it really just comes down to like every day, every hour, every minute, assessing like, what's the most important thing right now? Can I power through? Can I get a little bit more work done? Do I need to take a break? Giving myself grace and working at different hours. Like on Tuesday, I'm, I'm typically most productive in the morning, so like I, I get up and I get going and on Tuesday it was a bad morning. I woke up at 3 45, like couldn't get back to sleep. And so I took some medicine and I slept on the couch until 11, and then got up at 11, took a shower, did some work. Like, I think it's just kind of, Giving myself grace, being a little less rigid with my schedule, like being okay with, with not everything being perfect, but like there are still things that I've communicated to clients, like I have two clients who are expecting things from me. by the end of this week. And so, I mean, we're at the end of the week necessarily. I didn't necessarily say it would be Friday. That might mean that I might have to work on Saturday or Sunday. Mm-hmm. and they'll get it over the weekend. But I think it's just kind of balancing like what are those things that absolutely have to get done and like how can you motivate yourself? Like last night after dinner, I was like, gosh, I just wanna like lay on the couch and you know, not do anything. And I was like, okay. I. Two pages that I need to build for this website client. Like, what if I just like, can I sit down for an hour and like try to do it? And I got one done and like 60% of the second one done good. And I woke up this morning and I felt a lot better about it. So that was my long winded way of saying that like, It, it, it ebbs and glows. It does, it does. I feel like we're synced up in the funniest way because I too was up at like three 30 in the morning with cramps and pain and I'm like, oh my goodness. And thinking like, okay, I need to wake up in three hours time, hit the gym, blah, blah, blah. Instead, I gave myself grace this morning. I, I took the medicine at like three 30, went back to sleep for a few hours and slept for an extra two and like, just kind of laid in bed for an extra two hours. Skipped the gym today. Who cares if I make that a habit every single day and keep giving myself that leeway and whatnot? Yeah. Then there's gonna be consequences in my career and in what I accomplish, but it's not gonna matter. Everything's gonna get done if I start at my day, an hour or two later. It, it allows you, and I'm sure you can say the same because I have a bit of a shorter day to get things done today. It's like, okay, what actually needs to get done? Because we can always do more. And when you run your own business, or even if you're just an overachiever, you you can, you can work yourself till the, the end of the day, right? Until you hit. The light's off to go to bed. My question to you is What kind of hours do you work? yeah, I, I'm not afraid to say that I don't believe in working 40 hours a week and my goal is not to work 40 hours a week. Mm-hmm. the past few weeks I've worked 50 plus hours a week. Yeah. But like, I am a really efficient person. I do not ever tell people how long something takes me because literally in my own mind, I might think that something's going to take me four hours and I'll knock it out in like an hour and a half. And I'm really happy with what I did, and so I believe that like charging by the hour penalizes me for working more efficiently. Mm-hmm. So this is what my typical day looks like. I wake up at six, I make my coffee, I sit on my pink chair in my living room, and I play Candy Crush. And I listen to podcast for about an hour. Nice. And then I tidy, you know, the kitchen maybe like. Start, you know, some laundry, whatever, put some makeup on if necessary. Not every day, you know, fix the hair, whatever. And then I'm to my computer by like seven 30 or eight. I work from eight to 11. Mm-hmm. I take a lunch break from 11 to 12. I work from 12 to two, and then me and my boyfriend go to the gym and work out. And when I say go to the gym and work out, a lot of times that means I. Walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes and catch up on, you know, text messages or whatever. But it's just like a little something to do. And then come back to the house. If I have more work to do, I will either do like an hour and a half of work before I cook dinner, or I'll do an hour and a half or two hours. After dinner. Um, But some days. That means my day ends at two some days. That means that at two I just take a break and then I work another three to six hours later in the day. Do you find having a partner living with you and having that relationship in your life keeps you more efficient throughout the day? Actually no. oh, the opposite. So, no, I mean, because it, it sounds like, cuz if you're living with someone, like Yeah. Like you have someone that you're going to eat dinner with. Where I live alone, I'm not in a relationship. So last night I started making dinner at nine o'clock and then went to bed. Yeah, we're pretty in sync Like, we're two very similar people. Like we, I like that. Like to get up and get going. We do like to eat dinner early. Like yesterday I tried cooking dinner at 4 45 and he was like, people will make fun of us if they find out. No, but if you're starting your day at six 30, it's all the same. Some people are starting your day at 11. So I mean, I think sometimes like I. So right now, like the phase of life that we're in, like his job sent him to grad school. So he is a full-time college student study and we are in our thirties. So that is like a really rare thing. And his life is really flexible. And so for me, like I'm just kind of taking advantage of this time that I get to like, spend with him throughout the day because that won't be the norm once he begins the next phase of his career. You know, after this phase that we're in right now. So yeah, sometimes I get a little distracted and like he'll come home from class and I'll just like, hey, like yeah, yeah, what's up? Let's hang out I missed you. And he is like, I did it like I saw you two hours ago. It's cuz you're working alone. So it's like, it's not like you're in an office where you can chit chat like next to the coffee machine with someone. Like you're eager for your partner to come home and like have that social interac. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, he does say that he's like in awe of how I can like, hold myself accountable to like getting up going, you know? But it wasn't always that way. I, I was gonna ask you that did struggle early in the pandemic, which also coincided with my business starting out and like, not seeing results not being as successful. And it's like having no motivation to, to get up and go cause it. What am I even doing this for you? I ask myself that all the time. So how do you give yourself that answer? I know what I've been doing. And it's because if you are, if you, if you're an ambitious person and can work every day and hold yourself accountable and you're, you're crossing things off the to-do list at all times. Do you ever wake up sometime and ask yourself, yeah, what is this all for? Like, why, like, why am I holding myself accountable every single day? Do you have that end goal in mind, like that north? Well, I mean, right now it's money. Like I'm, yeah, working toward, you're motivated growing my business to make the money that I need to live the life that I wanna live. And right now I'm seeing those results because I've put in the time and the effort and I've gotten to this place. But like prior to that, it was, I had zero metrics that validated the effort that I was putting in. And it was really hard. I mean, like, I. Back prior life when I had like a real job. I worked in university admissions mm-hmm. and so. every day I could come to work and I could see Yesterday we worked really hard on these things, and this morning I can see that that resulted in this many more students applying for admission to this university or this many more students who submitted their deposit saying that they're going to come, or this many more students who registered for a campus tour because of the things that we did. every day there were metrics to show that I did a good job or that I didn't. And then when I started in this, it was like I only had Instagram to go off of and like email metrics and it was like, I mean, really debilitating. Yes, because it was such a, I mean, it was a. Really crazy time in life. I mean, like, I quit my job and I sold my house in January and February of 2020, like right before the pandemic, and then the pandemic happened. I was growing a business and I was living with my parents unintentionally. Like all these things kind of coincided at once and it was like, yeah, it it, it was really, really difficult. At the beginning when you're starting your business and growing it, what to you was considered a small win to at least get you, keep you going? And then what were some of the big wins that you're like, ah, okay, this is working. it's like hard to say in retrospect because I don't feel like I had any wins, for a very, very long time. Like define a long time, six months for the first year, first year and a half, or two and a half years. How do you keep going? But it's also because I didn't really know what I was doing. Ah, like I quit my job and started a quote unquote business doing. Zero research. Like I started out, I said I was gonna be a motivational speaker. Mm. And just did some kind of crazy ass back of the napkin math of like, oh yeah, if I do like this many gigs a month and I charge this for it, and then like, yeah, like I'm gonna sell my house. So I'll have like a little bit of like cushion to live on. Like, y'all probably spend like about this much on Airbnbs, and tra like it was like, The most wackadoodle, manic nonsense, crazy ass. Like, make this huge life-changing decision off of with a quote unquote plan. Yeah. But I'm pretty thankful for it because I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for the mental state that I was in, and like just the absolute desire to need such a drastic change. Like if I had not sold my house. February 20th, I think was the closing date. Wow. 2020. I would not have had the part in my french balls to do it. Mm-hmm. three weeks later when the world shut down. I find as humans we, we build that muscle of, if I've gotten through that and I struggled through that and I was able to navigate. I can do even harder things in the future. Mm-hmm. So, and I'm sure that's how, like you had no idea what was gonna happen. There was so much uncertainty, like the amount that you changed throughout your, the amount of times, like you probably changed what you were focused on throughout those first two years. It's a lot. Mm-hmm. At what point did you finally think, okay, this is what I'm gonna stick to. I'm loving this design stuff. I love helping people understand design better. At what point did that finally click that, okay, this path feels the most right. So I like, can like see like very distinct like phases of mm-hmm. you know, kind. This journey. And they really have coincided with like the years mm-hmm. So like year 2020, it was like, I'm gonna be a professional speaker and that is what I was going for. And even once the pandemic happened, like a lot of, you know, 2020, I think we were all kind of in this mindset of like, I'm just waiting for this thing to be over so I can like, then I'll make a decision. Yeah, the plan, you know, resume the plan. I, I had so many Google sheets that I started over and over again of like, okay, like Plan 2.0 and 3.0 and 4.0, and then in 2021 it kind of like the realization set in that that might not happen and that I maybe wasn't even that interested in that. And in 2021 is when I kind of started cobbling together. Several part-time jobs to make a full-time income. Mm-hmm. And then it was at the end of 2021 that I was like, I didn't quit my job to do this. Like, I'm not happy, I'm not enjoying this. And so I started working with a career coach to figure out like, what is the thing that I truly wanna do? And I went to her and I was like, look, I wanna help people. I wanna enjoy what I'm doing. and I want like flexibility. Like flexibility is the most important thing to me. And that's when, you know, she kind of like helped me realize like, hey, like this design thing, like this is like, You know, circle is everything that you're doing. Like why isn't like this the focus of what you wanna do? And for me it was like a huge imposter syndrome thing. Mm-hmm. like I didn't have a degree in graphic design. My degree is in communication. Even though I had been teaching design at a flagship university. For years and had taught corporate workshops and you know, all these things. But like in my head it was like, well, no, like I can't call myself a designer. Like I don't have a degree in graphic design. And like I wouldn't even say that. Like I designed websites or I do branding, but like people would come to me and they would be like, Hey, can you do my web cert or can you do my branding? They'd be like, yeah, yeah. Like, I'll do it just for you, but. But don't like tell anyone. Cause like I'm not like a designer And then like, they're like trying to promote you and trying to use our services. They're like, please don't Yes. It would be, yeah, I mean like, I can't even think of an analogy. It would be like if Kim Kardashian like refused to take a picture and people were like, please take a selfie letter of yourself. You know? Mm-hmm. And so, yeah. So it, it really was like a huge like imposter syndrome thing to be able to. Say no. Like I have been doing this for like over a decade and I'm good at it and like I, not only am I good at it, but like I can talk about it in a way that's not like putting people down or making them feel like, oh, you're an idiot cuz you went to Canva and you created your own logo. No. Like that's the reality for most people. Mm-hmm. now you're at the next phase of your business and you're ready for a more professional logo. Mm-hmm. Okay. I'm here to help and I'm not gonna make you feel bad about. Yeah, good point. Because it's, it's so funny to me how you weren't ready to call yourself a designer because when you and I first got acquainted, I looked at your website and looked at all the merchandise you were designing, and I'm like, stunning. love it. Like very, like exactly my kind of aesthetic. And I was shocked that like you weren't helping others like shocked. Mm-hmm. But I think what's really cool about what you're doing now, you're selling courses on how to help people design it themselves, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That's, so I have. Yeah, I have my course, it's called Create with Confidence, and so it is like the ultimate design course for non designers. And that is like, the thing is that, you know, not everybody wants to be a designer, but they do have to design. That's a reality of the world that we live in. And whether you're a nine to fiver or a business owner or a freelancer, like design is a part of what you have to. and the difference between good design and bad design is not just looking good, but it's communicating the right thing to the right person, attracting that person, getting them to take action and like that's what I teach in my course. I am, uh, redesigning my real estate website as we speak. I was working on it late last night, and I'm kind of thinking about switching up my branding colors and I come from a marketing background, not the, not like the aesthetic. Style of marketing, but more like the sales and partnership style marketing. But I still have, I would say, an I for it. I know like what looks good? Mm-hmm. and I'm finding a hard time like re-pick colors. I really want to do, like if you see the aesthetic of my house right now, like I wanna bring in some more greens and feel like it's. As if you went into a staged home. I wanna feel like that colors. Whereas right now I have kind of like the, the Goldie orange color and like black and it feels like almost to like gq like that, their logo. And it's just like, it feels a little harsher than I am. I feel like my vibe is a little bit more white and airy. What do you recommend to people when like, they're just like, a lot of times people start with like the branding colors. What colors do I want? What do you recommend? Mm-hmm. So what I do in, you know, my course, my done for you work that I do, I tell the person or tell my client, okay? So I want you to pick five words that you would want. Ideal person to use to describe your brand when they look at it, not what it is currently, but you, what you want them to use. And then we're gonna use those five words to pick six to eight colors. Two to three fonts, the shapes that we're gonna work with, because all of those things communicate something, you know? Mm-hmm. um, white and black. Communicate something versus pink and purple, a straight. Communicate something different than a squiggly line. Same with, you know, e angled shapes versus uh, you know, circles and things like that. centered alignment versus left alignment, like all of those things. Communicate different things. And so if we start with this foundation of what are we trying to communicate to our ideal person, and then we can kind of create that brand playbook and then we don't have to make design decisions over and over and over again. Every time we're trying to create a graphic or you know, do something. But I love what you said about the words, like that's a, that's a way of thinking about this that I never thought of before personally. Mm. I wanna ask you about uh, therapy. Yeah. Did you say you started during all of this in the last few years, or you started recently? I started prior to this. I think I started probably in like 2017 or 2018. Okay. Um, And so for me, like I was raised in like the type. Family and mindset that like you go to therapy, if someone dies mm-hmm. if you're going through a divorce mm-hmm. or if you have like wartime P T S D, like just being a little unhappy, you're being dramatic. Like you need to get over it. And so that was a huge mental block for me in. Even deciding to go to therapy, I was like embarrassed about. Mm-hmm. saying it. I mean like it's crazy to say like back in 2017, like people were not going to therapy. Like I was like revolutionary in my friend group because like I was going and initially the only reason that I was going, and this is really frank and I hope that. People that I know don't listen to this was because I didn't wanna have sex with my boyfriend at the time. Mm-hmm. Um, And had no idea that that was connected to, I mean, it just like mushroomed into like, literally like every aspect of my life was like something that needed to be looked at, like, Not just my relationship, which wasn't a good fit, which I didn't know, but friendships, my job, my family relationships, like the way that I viewed myself, the I, I mean, it was literally like this pinhole in a balloon that needed to like completely explode the entire balloon. And it's crazy. And I went to therapy for like five years. Wow. at what point of that relationship did you feel like something was wrong? Like did you say, oh, like maybe it's just a me thing and maybe it's not as as big as I think it is. so me and that guy ended up dating for three years and I started going to therapy like a year and a half in mm-hmm. And I mean this is really personal, but like I don't mind sharing cuz I think that Yeah. Do you, it's helpful for people to like, hear stuff like this. So I had to have surgery on my cervix because of pre-cancerous hpv, Uhhuh And I was raise. Going to Catholic school in a Catholic family, Catholic household. And so like my views about sex were like, sex is bad. You are dirty if you have sex. And so therefore, because you had to have this surgery, you are a dirty, bad person and like you deserve this thing that's happened to you. And the surgery itself was like an incredibly traumatic experience like I did. Have the, the skills or the wherewithal to know like how to advocate for myself in that situation. Like the doctor that I had very much Just kind of treated me like, I was just like young, dumb, and stupid and pretty much lied to me about like what was going to take place. Like the way he described it to me was that it was going to be just like a quick procedure in the doctor's office and that they were gonna, you know, put me out with like, a gas mask. Like, you know, he literally said like, when you had your wisdom teeth taken out, and in reality, I mean, it was full blown surgery, like, You know, the gown, an iv, the hair mask, like it was a really traumatic thing. And like, it was like on a, on a Friday at like noon. And so literally I'm strapped down to a surgery table, like, you know, like my arms out mm-hmm. and my legs are up in these, you know, stirrups and I can feel like air. All my parts downstairs, like I'm well aware that I am just completely exposed and all of these people, like, you know, the nurses and all the people, they're waiting for the doctor to show up and they're just like chit-chatting about like their weekend plans and what you doing this weekend and I'm just like, has. Hysterically crying because this is like, not at all what I expected. I am so scared about like, what's about to happen, I don't know. And the doctor comes in and he's just like, ah, shh. It's okay. You'll be fine. And then like the next thing I know, I woke up and it was over and it, you know, they said, oh, you're gonna bleed for two, maybe four weeks. I bled. For two months, like having to wear, you know, like massive pads and all this stuff. Um, Sorry. You don't feel sexy. It's like way more. So I kind of went through that and then it was like, Like, I never wanna have sex again. Yeah. Like, if this is what happened to me, my relationship with sex like completely changed. I felt so like, disgusted by myself. Mm-hmm. and like, because I let this thing happen to me and I didn't feel sexy. I didn't, you know, any of that. So like, that was like a huge piece. You know, something that I had to work through, but then also like the relationship was not a fit and I just didn't know it. Like I'd never been in a relationship longer than like five months. Mm-hmm. And so I just thought that like, this is what relationships were like. And like I saw my parents bicker and scream at each other and then say, oh, but we love each other. And so I was like, okay, well, like that's what relationships are like. And like, I didn't get that like, No, this just wasn't a fit. And like it's, it's okay to like walk away from someone. Like, I was so afraid to end it because I was so embarrassed that I had told so many people we were gonna get married and this was my person and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, no. Like, it's okay to, like, it's not a fit. Like you're growing. I mean, we started dating when I was like 25. Like I didn't know myself and like know what I wanted and. Yeah. So that was like That was a long answer. No, that was a great, like, really like the beginning of me realizing like this whole reality that had been built for me was not like the reality that I wanted to, to live in, I guess. what else did you unravel within therapy? Or was there any, like what were the main connecting points or any themes that you saw? Just like overall in every aspect of your life? Cause I only just started therapy the end of January. I've only been like two or three times. And as I, when, when I'm done the session and like in the weeks afterwards, I'm starting to reflect, I'm like, Hmm. I see some overarching themes here. for me, it's been hard to kind of lift the hood of the car and really start looking under personally. Mm-hmm. like there is a lot of my areas where I genuinely, I genuinely think, like, I genuinely don't think I was the problem in that situ. We'll find out, but I generally don't think, but there obviously has to be some things that I am causing to make this result happen. So was there any overarching themes that you've seen? I mean, I think just like empathy. Like empathy for myself, empathy for other people. Like My family very much like had the mindset growing up that like, you're either good or you're bad. You either like made a good decision or you're stupid. Like there was never any gray, gray area. Mm-hmm. And I think that I really learned to like, be okay with the gray and like, you know, it doesn't have to be like you're pure or you're a slut. Mm-hmm. you are happy or you're sad. Like, it, it's, it's okay. Like, there can be like some, some wiggle room there. I think that was like a big overarching thing that I learned. Mm-hmm. What's the difference within your current relationship? How did you, like, at what point did you notice, ah, this feels like a better fit? This is more right. because for me it's like when I'm in a better relationship or a better fit, it's only then when I see how the previous relationship was not the right. Well, I think that we just like each other. Let me I mean, step one, I, I mean, I, I just like him, like I look at him and I like just the adoration. I think he's cute. I have more like empathy for him. Like if he does something, like, I remember one time like my ex. Left the stove on, and now he was like really irresponsible. And he did shit like that all the time. Yeah. And I was just so mad at him and I was just like, you could have burned the house down. Like, how fucking stupid are you? Mm-hmm. you know? And then like if my current boyfriend does something like, it's like, ah, babe, like. Hey, did, did you know that you left the house and you left the fireplace on? Like, he's like, oh man. I'm like, I know you, you, you had a rough day. Like, I think I just probably operate from a place of more empathy because I love, I, yeah. But also I think I'm not afraid to like communicate what I need or what I'm feeling or I lacked that capacity before and I don't think that, had I known myself better, like I don't think that my relationship with the prior person would've lasted longer than probably a few months because we just like weren't a fit, weren't compatible. But I mean, that's like life. You learn those things. Can I relate to that? A hundred percent. I saw a TikTok, I think it was this morning actually, four reasons when you'll know it's the one. And I was like, okay, here we go. But the reasons were, I feel like very accurate and one of them was, You want to be a better person because of this person. Mm-hmm. like they, they challenge you to be better. Like all of a sudden you're not like, oh, like my no relationship. Like I don't need to care about my looks or I don't need to care about, like, challenging myself. They make you wanna be better. Do you feel that? I actually don't believe in the one. Oh, okay. Because neither do I, by the way, I think that's like a lot of pressure to like, find this person or maybe when you know someone's a good fit. Right. Yeah. I mean, I think that there's just a desire to like continuously not like, wanna, please. Cuz I, I feel like that's so like, subservient to say, you know, like about women, but I think it's just like a desire to like continue to like, connect, spend time together, like a genuine interest in mm-hmm. how was your day? I mean, when I was saying that you. We go to the gym in the afternoons, like we have like a gym in our neighborhood that we walk to, and it's like a five minute walk. And so it's just like literally, it's like the only time, even though we live together and don't interact with a lot of people we're just like, how was your day? Like, what did you do? You know? And it's just like, just like a genuine interest to like, To be and, and connect I and to care about each other. It's so simple, but it's like, yeah, that is the difference. Because when you think back to previous relationships, yeah, there's some relationships I've had that I'm like, Hmm, yeah. Like if I didn't hear from them from a couple days, I don't know if I would've been bothered you know? Yeah. But there's others where, yeah, you have that, like the schoolgirl crushed the adoration and the it, it doesn't die. And it's cute. Like I, I think it's really admirable. Yeah. I wanna ask you a little bit more about like your business and like the changes you've made from, like, working for someone else to working for yourself now. Are you still a one woman show? So, in my business I have a marketing va. Nice. Um, And I am hoping to hire one or two junior designers soon. Nice. To help, help with some of. You know, build outs and work and things like that. But I am on a part-time contract with an ed tech company that has existed since January of 2020. And so that's really what's kind of paid the bills up until the last like six months or so the struggle that I have recently is whether or not I want to hire anyone, and I've thought about VAs and whatnot, but for me it's like in my real estate business, what I need them to help with. It's almost like I need them to almost be licensed, like some of the stuff that I would prefer to have help with. What do you get your marketing VA to do? So a lot of it is repurposing content. So because of, I'm a design educator, like I cannot trust at this point someone else to create the content originally. Like I need to be the one that's like saying, no, these are gonna be the three quick tips and I need to. Create what it looks like and you know, like that it would be like if you were a chef and you were allowing someone else to choose the menu, you know? Yeah. Hell no. That needs to be the thing that I do. But she'll take an Instagram reel and she'll turn it into a blog post and Pinterest pins and you know, the weekly email because it's content that already exists and all she has to do is. Repurpose it for other platforms. She also does a lot of copywriting for me. So if I have like a new offer, she'll kind of help me put together a sales page, and that's kind of like in a pinch sometimes, like mm-hmm. I would love, I have a, a copywriter that I work with and I would love if I could afford for her to do. All of that. But it's like, you know, sometimes it's kind of like a give and take of what can I just kind of eek by with? And then what's like the big shiny thing that I need the expensive copywriter to do. Did you have trouble at the beginning of letting go and trusting someone to maybe not do it as well as you can, but good enough to save you the time? Cuz that's, that's what I keep going back and forth. Yeah. so like right now I'm in a season of business where I am booked up months in advance and I've Good. Never congrats. Been that way before. And it's fabulous on the one hand. But then also it's like I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm like, what if I got hit by a bus? Like there's no one else that could do it. Like, how would my boyfriend know to refund these people their money? And so, I did kind of get to a point a couple weeks ago where like I wasn't posting on social as much as I needed to because I was asking my VA to write some social copy and I wasn't crazy about it. So then I would end up not posting it. Hmm. And I just kind of got to this point where I was like, you know, something is better than nothing. Like I need to just kind of push myself to just. Be what she writes, even if it's like 80% of the way there. Mm-hmm. because I need to have more of a presence. Like I was just kind of like non-existent on social, you know, because of that. And, so we have like a weekly meeting on Mondays, and so that means that on Sunday I spend a little time going through some of the things that. Prepared and I record a video of myself going through it where I give feedback on all of the things so that then in the meeting on Monday, we can just kind of talk through her questions. Mm-hmm. Instead of like, okay, here's feedback on all these things. And yeah. You know, she's like hearing it for the first time, like, I think it means me being a little bit more thorough and prepared in advance for her, if that makes sense. So it's been a big learning for you. Mm-hmm. going through this? Yeah. But I'm pretty fortunate that like throughout my career I have had a lot of people report to me. So like when I started my first job at 22, I had seven people reporting to me. Wow. And some of them were older than me, obviously. Mm-hmm. and that was like a huge. You know, learning experience, like obviously I did not handle a lot of those situations well, but I learned a lot of really valuable lessons about like delegating and how People learn in different ways. So like I always, when I give someone a task, like I try to write it out. I record myself doing it so that you can like follow the instructions or you can watch the video and then like, so I'm gonna say, okay, watch me do it, and then I wanna watch you do it, and then I'm gonna let you do it on your own and I'm gonna see it right before we hit publish. That's kind of like my three step approach. You know, training someone. That's a great approach. I'm learning so much for myself. One last point on that. Um, Where did you find your VA or how did you find her? So through this group associated with McKayla Quinn, so, okay. M i c a l a, Quinn, she has a course for VAs and she also has a Facebook group I think you go to her website and you submit a form and then she posted in the group that only VAs who have taken her course are allowed to be in, and then they contact you directly. And I got a lot of really good submissions. Also something that I did was I did like a. Sample assignment where it was like, Hey, here are like two things that you'll likely do. So one was like repurposing a blog post and one was transcribing video. Okay. And so I wrote out instructions for what I need you to do. I recorded a video of myself doing it, and then I said like, this is how I'm going to evaluate you on this sample assignment. And for like the transcribing video, it was literally. Following directions, attention to detail, you know? Yeah. For the one of repurposing the blog post, it was like, I don't care about you capturing my voice as much. I just want to see like, how do you create content? Like how do you write, like what's like, you know, your grammatical skills, stuff like that. And then I said, I expect that it'll take, I think it was like four hours and the rate is 20 an hour, so I'm just gonna pay you, you know,$80 for this. And. Yeah, it, it worked out. I am so impressed by how thorough you are with giving instructions and really helping someone get prepared. It's bringing back all the memories of having managers and people like above me, just expect me to know exactly what's in their head and then being kind of annoyed that it's not done exactly the way they want there's so many employees and teammates that are very self-starter and you don't have to train them. But the average person, it's easier if you're so thorough and explain exactly what the expectations are. And I'm sure you can see that in the quality of work that you get back. Yeah. Well, I'm like a big believer in like training and onboarding is like a, two person job. Mm-hmm. like the employee cannot just expect to. Everything handed to them, but like the supervisor also cannot expect to just like give the employee like a little bit and you know what I mean? Yeah. So like I tell people, like, I want you to ask questions. Like, one of the first assignments that I give to every employee of mine is spend an hour reading. Every single external facing thing that I have, like my website, my Instagram, any files that I've shared with you, and write down every question that comes to mind. Smart. Because like I want them to look at stuff and be like, how come your course doesn't say this? Or like, I thought that it would do this. How come you don't post this type of content on Instagram? Mm-hmm. like I want their wheels to start turning in that way. And also like understand that I want you to ask questions, but like by you asking questions, that helps me understand where my blind spots are or what I've not communicated to you. And also it's like back to the gray area thing. Mm. Every person is not perfect. Like, no, when my VA started working for me, she told me that one of the things she loved about me was like how organized and thorough I was. But more recently I'm really busy and like I've not been giving her the clearest direction. And we've had a few like miscommunications and like I'll just message her and be like, Hey dude, like I know that you liked that I was organized and thorough. Like, I'm sorry that I'm not that way right now. And she's like, no, it's okay. Like, you know, you're going through growth right now and. I mean, if she's smart, she also realizes that like, by me growing my business, that means that I'm making money so that I can continue to afford to pay her. Exactly. So it's just kind of like a necessary evil. If it was like all perfect and dandy and I had all the time in the world, then like then they're stagnant. I'd be going broke. Yeah. Hundred percent. Uh, Last question or two for you. The first one is after everything we've talked about if someone was to ask you, like, give me some advice over the past three years, like, what would you say? This is so absolutely not comforting when you're going through something, but like, literally it just takes time. I was recently listening to a podcast and one of the girls is going through a divorce and she was like, look, I get that like grief takes time, but like, how can we speed this grief thing up, you know? But it just literally, let's go. Everything takes time. Like My business, I needed three years to try this, to try that, to figure it out it took time, like my self-development journey, like it wasn't gonna all be fixed in, you know, one therapy session and the snap of a finger. It took about five years. Like, it just, it takes time. I was actually recently talking to someone about this with therapy. Was that like because of my mindset about therapy, how I said that I thought that it was like, you know, only to like fix a problem that when I first started going, I would go just long enough till I felt that, like that problem was fixed and then I would stop going and then I would get to a rough spot and feel like I had failed because I. To go again. So I kind of went through this like up and down of like, oh, like I have to go back to therapy. I suck you know, whatever. And then I got to this point where I was like, okay, no matter what, I'm going to schedule an appointment every month, just cuss, you know, something might come up, you know, whatever. Well then I moved in August across the country from Mississippi to Oregon and. Take your therapist with you because they're only licensed in certain states. And so initially I said that I was going to get a new therapist here, but like as time went on, I kind of realized like, Hey, I've learned a lot about like how to self soothe and like things that I need to say to myself to like get myself through hard times and like I actually have a lot of kind of coping skills I guess, that I've learned and I think I'm. Kind of good for, for a while, like, you know, unless something serious happens, and then I would be fine to go again. But it's also like, I no longer see that as a failure. I see it as more kind of like tune up and, and maintenance. Hmm. Good point. Good point. Last but not least, where can people find you? And we've talked about your courses and everything you do in business, but feel free to plug it. Yeah, so on Instagram I am filter dot unfiltered, so you can see lots of easy design tips and all that good stuff. Um, If you are a nine to five professional or business owner, freelancer and design is ever part of your to-do list. My courses create with confidence. It's the ultimate design course for non designers. I mean, Lays a fabulous foundation for like, okay, these are the things that I need to do to make my stuff look better. Attract the right person, get them to take action. And then if you're a business owner and you're not in the d i Y phase and you want someone to just do it for you, I have a brand refresh and custom websites, and I typically book up several months in advance. Mm-hmm. So if you're interested, let's connect as soon as possible. Lauren, thank you so much for this conversation. When we chatted about recording, I was so excited. Cause a lot of the times, people our age and especially just like millennials, think our problems aren't big enough to talk about. And we say to ourselves, ah, just got like the everyday stuff. The job changes, the boyfriend troubles like moving. And it's like, no, those are big things as well. And we forget that because it's not a big thing. It's not. Talking about, but it's sometimes these are the conversations that people want to hear. So thank you so much for being open. I know it probably pushed you a little bit to be that vulnerable, but I'm glad I was able to give you the space to do that. So again, thank you so much. Yeah. I think that in some ways, like gratitude and positivity have kind of cursed us a little bit. Mm-hmm. Because it makes us Feel bad about our discomfort or our unhappiness, and we're like, yeah, like I'm unhappy, but like this other person, like they have it so much worse. Or like, yeah, like my surgery was bad, but like somebody else had cancer. And it's like, pain is pain. Unhappiness is unhappiness. Discomfort is discomfort. Like if you're not feeling it like you. To feel it, like you deserve to like figure it out, to find that path, that happiness, like never feel shame or like you're being like ungrateful or unappreciative because you're. Unhappy about something like you don't have to just be positive or, I mean, I remember being a kid and like being made fun of for having a mustache, which is something that I bring up all the time and like it has literally scarred me to this day. And I remember like my mom was just like, sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me and. No, it's the opposite. Like that's not, like, that's not comforting. Like those little like platitudes and whatever. It's like, no, like if you're unhappy or you're uncomfortable, like you're allowed to feel your feelings, you're allowed to work through it and like, you don't have to feel bad about that just because somebody has it worse than you. I know, trust me, it's bringing me back to all of my childhood memories of just like toughen up, like there's someone else that has it way worse than you and uh Yep. That is gonna cost me in therapy, that's for sure. Anyways, thank you so much for everything. Yeah, thanks for having me. Did you know that I'm not only a podcast host, but in my full-time career, I met Toronto based real estate agent. If you are someone, you know, is a busy professional looking to get into the Toronto real estate market, I highly recommend reaching out to me. You can go directly to my website@wwwdotjenelletremblant.com. And you can click the let's talk button to book a call with me. I work with buyers, renters, and sellers in the downtown and east end areas. So don't hesitate to reach out to me and I would love to help you find your next home. And in the meantime, we'll see you here back next week.