Transformative Life Lessons From My 20s with Jenelle Tremblett

#131: As Jenelle turns 30, she delves into the valuable lessons she learned during her transformative 20s. This decade is often regarded as a time of self-discovery, growth, and laying the foundation for a successful future. Jenelle shares stories of what she's learned about friends, relationships, careers, and even herself. 

Jenelle's Ebbs

• Spending more time on romantic relationships instead of friendships
• Oversharing at work
• Spending money on things you don't value
• Thinking shorter term instead of longer
• Learning life is too short for some people
• Struggling with timelines and comparing my journey to others

Jenelle's Glows

• Going after her own dreams
• Learning to match people's energies
• Learning to pivot and re start careers
• Not taking advice from people who don't have the life I want
• Trusting my intuition
• Learning patience
• Getting comfortable being alone
• Creating a home I love
• Building a positive mindset

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Jenelle Tremblett: Website | Instagram | TikTok

Podcast: Website | Instagram | YouTube | TikTok 

Transcript

0:00

Welcome to the ebb and glow podcast. I'm your host, Janelle Tremlett. And I'm a firm believer that even when life doesn't go as planned, it is taking you exactly where you're meant to be on this podcast. I'm here to help you finally release control of what you think you want and begin to just trust in the ebbs and flows of life. Each week, I will show you how to build that positive mindset radiate with self confidence and cultivate an unshakeable resilience. Let me prove to you that even when life ebb. You will glow. Hello everyone and welcome to episode 1 31 of the Ebb and Glow podcast. Today is a solo episode with me talking about all of the lessons that I've learned in my twenties, so two weeks ago, I entered a new decade and I turned 30. My birthday was in April. And in this episode, I want to just reminisce on my twenties a little bit and talk about all of the life lessons that I personally learned in my twenties. And hopefully some of these are not new to you. Maybe you've already learned this lesson already, but if you haven't, Perhaps it'll be some great advice to take after this episode, So as I was preparing for this episode, I was thinking to myself, I mean, what have I learned? What kind of wisdom do I have to share with everyone today? And so I just started typing them all, thinking over the years what I've learned. And it didn't take long for me to get a ton of lessons listed out, and so these are in no particular order, just as they came to my head, and I ended up coming up with 20 life lessons that I learned in my twenties. So let's start sharing them. Number one that came to me right away was your dreams don't have to be anyone else's dreams, and they also don't have to make sense to anyone. I know for me, maybe I've wanted to do things differently than other people, and I know personally I have felt victim to listening to what everyone else is doing and maybe taking people's advice too much and maybe going down a path that people preferred for me than perhaps I did. I know when I think back to my twenties, I've taken jobs that I didn't really care about. I've lived in places I didn't really want to, just because I felt a little bit more directed by everyone else, and I, I guess I felt that maybe they knew more than me. And maybe what they thought was right was the best path to go forward. Even though I knew deep down that, eh, that's not really what I wanna do. I mean, you live and you learn, which is really gonna be the theme of this entire episode. But for me, I really, when I reflect back, I think. Stop listening to what everyone else wants you to do and get very clear on what your dreams are and what you want to do, and really start making moves toward those dreams. Also this is really cheesy, but I guess I probably had this quote maybe in my room growing up, or maybe I've read it, but it's a quote that's always stuck with me. And the quote is, if you can dream it, you can achieve it. And that's always been in the back of my head. If you can conceptualize an idea on your head or a goal that you have, or a dream that you would love, I mean, if you can conceptualize it, then obviously you have the tools and the resources and the confidence and momentum to be able to achieve it. You didn't just come up with this at a thin air. Obviously there's probably someone else who has done it before you. So all in all it doesn't matter if your dreams aren't someone else's dreams, if they're your dreams, have the confidence enough to start going after them. Number two. This is a big one for me when I think back throughout my twenties, and it's put more time and attention into your friendships with your girlfriends and not your relationships. I've learned over the years that your girlfriends especially are gonna be there no matter what. They're gonna see you through all the relationships you go through, and the boys, Hmm, they'll come and go I've been in a lot of relationships through my twenties and long-term relationships, and it's really easy to give all of your time and attention to this relationship, but inevitably, majority of the times that relationship is gonna come to an end, but your friendships are all gonna still be there. So if you get into a relationship and all of a sudden you don't really put much effort into your girlfriends that entire year, ugh. Don't be surprised if those friendships aren't as strong and aren't there to just be exactly where they were when you left, when you come back. So, of course it's a hard balance to be able to balance a relationship and also all your friendships, but don't pull back on putting time and energy into those friendships with your girlfriends if you're in a relationship. number three. Keep tightlipped at work more. Whew. This is a hard lesson I learned in my twenties for sure. I have a tendency to overshare and I really like to develop deep friendships with my coworkers. throughout your life. You tend to spend a lot of time during the week at work, so, Where I always came from is I wanna enjoy every day that I'm at work. I don't just, I, I never ever see it as just a job. I wanna become close friends with my coworkers and bosses. I, I wanna have a deeper friendship with them, but, When I think back, there are many examples where I think this burned me and actually stifled my career growth. I wish I kind of kept my personal life a little bit more to the chest and not shared so much about myself. And on top of that, I really wish I kept tightlipped around what I thought about the job, the company, and. I wish I trusted coworkers less than I did throughout my twenties. At the end of the day, I learned that everyone's kind of in it for themselves and just be really careful of who you are sharing information with who you are gossiping with. I just don't think it's going to help you within your career, and I wish I learned that one sooner than later. honestly, I'm still learning it. Things have happened in the last few weeks or the last few months that I'm like frig, like I really have not learned this lesson very well. And so after this time, I really want to keep things a little bit more to the chest. Number four. This is a big one that I've learned over the past year, really, and it's to match people's energies. This goes for friends and boyfriends. The idea here is don't give more to someone than they would give to you let's give even a friendship as an example. If you're constantly texting them and trying to make plans, and they're taking three days to respond. You don't need to end the friendship. Maybe they're just busy. May they have a lot going on with their life, but it's, it's fine to pull back. You don't have to burn that bridge, per se, and, and be like, oh, like I don't wanna be friends with you anymore. But you can match energies. I've learned in the past year to only start giving as much as I'm getting and really kind of learn the ebbs and flows of a friendship. And, uh, yeah, that's a, that's one that I'm gonna be taking into this year a little bit more seriously. And just being mindful, especially in relationship as well. I've learned that If you feel that you're constantly texting first and the, the conversation isn't really flowing as well, pull back, there's no harm in pulling back. Number five. I definitely learned this one in, uh, the last few years, and I feel like I've excelled at it. And the lesson is it's never too late to restart or pivot. Your happiness overall matters more than any timeline that you've put on yourself. who cares how much schooling you've done, or how many years of this career you've put in. The time is gonna pass regardless, and you can change something today or you can change something a year from now. If you wait any longer, the time is just gonna keep going. So I know for me, the only regret I have about real estate and my podcast is not starting them sooner. but hey, you can't, you can't look back on that. Hindsight's always 2020. But my lesson to you is if you're thinking about any type of change or pivot or you're not really liking, maybe the city you live in, It's never too late to change and restart. don't let age define anything when it comes to that. The next lesson is be more conscious of what you are spending your money on. Whew. I am still in the process of learning this, and lately how I've been learning it is getting really clear on what I value. So one prime example of this is I really need to buy a car. Uh, having a car right now would help my life in a lot of ways. However, I don't really care about cars. I don't want to spend a thousand dollars a month on a car. I just don't care enough. I need it for a means to an end. So, Working in real estate, there's a lot of stereotypes around, Ooh, if you have a nice fancy car, it probably means that you're doing really well in life. But if I don't value cars, Then why do I care what people think about what I drive? So that's one thing that I'm working on right now is my mentality around the stereotypes of real estate and what defines my success from an outward appearance. And I'm trying to kind of change those stereotypes a bit and redefine what success looks like in this career. And so to go back on the main lesson here, being more conscious of what you are spending your money on. In my twenties, I've spent a lot of money on things that I actually don't care about, and I don't give any value to, however, where that really hurts me is the things that I really do value. I have not spent money on and I have not used my money effectively enough to spend money on the things I want more. I've really spent my money on things that I think other people care about, such as maybe certain clothes or, um, like I said, the car thing. Or maybe certain products, like I know a lot of girls spend a lot of money on makeup. I don't really care about makeup. I've used the same mascara since I was 18, the same foundation since I was 18. I don't need to spend money on trying different types of makeup and skincare. I know what I like, so, but it's really easy as a girl when all your friends are like, oh, let's buy this product. Oh, this product is really good. It's very easy to buy another lipstick, buy another skincare, facial, whatever, and. But if you don't actually care about that, then it's not wasting your money because if you waste your money on things you don't care about, then you don't actually have any money to spend on the things that you do care about. Next lesson is thinking longer term, not shorter term, and it's only now that I have started thinking longer term. I definitely never even had the skill to be able to think longer and bigger and but nowadays, When I think about doing something or buying something or making a decision, I think, okay, but does this link up to maybe what I want in two to three years time? Before, especially in my twenties, it was a lot shorter term than that. It was, okay, but what do I want now? What do I want this month? How will this help my life today? Instead of how will this, how will this link into the puzzle of what I want longer term? And maybe that comes with age. Uh, but yeah, I don't wanna, I learned over the years to not be as shortsighted. And again, that's also a newer lesson in the last few years. On top of that, I have also learned in the past year to play the long game career wise, especially in my line of business. I can't see every conversation in every person as transactional. I have to be smarter about, every conversation that I have with a client, every interaction I have, every bit of networking I have, because people talk. And if people have a bad experience with you in that very moment, then that's not gonna be good for your business. Longer term. this goes for anything like maybe in your career or just anything really. Stop thinking. So short term and think longer term is the overall lesson. The next lesson I've been saying for years, and I learned this one probably when I was 19, 20, maybe 21. So this was a, a lesson that I heard very early in my twenties that I always have had in the back of my head. And that lesson is don't take advice from anyone that isn't living the life that you want. It's so easy to wanna take advice from your loved ones and your friends, but ultimately, if they don't want the same things that you want long term, then what kind of advice do they have for you? Why would you take that advice with such gospel? Look at the people that have your dream life, that are a few years ahead of you, that are 45, 50 years old or whatever, 20 years ahead of you, and they have your dream life. Ask them how to get to where you wanna go. Start learning how they run their day. Start figuring out how they act and, and what, what do they listen to? What do they consume? Overall, yeah. Stop taking advice from people who are not living your own dreams. The next one is a lesson that I seem to. Need to relearn almost like every few months. And it's your intuition and gut feelings are always, always right, and you need to trust yourself more. I've seen this a lot in relationships, uh, especially like when dating and you know, when you, when the relationship ends and you look back and you're like, I saw this coming on the first date, like, why did I not take notice of that red flag? And I mean, you gotta learn. You gotta learn the hard way you have to, you have to learn in your own time. But that gut feeling that you get, that makes you a little queasy, that kind of throws you off. If there, that the energy shift, trust those things. Trust your intuition a lot more because especially for women, your gut feelings are always right. the next lesson I've learned throughout my twenties is that beauty is created within. This goes for what you put in your body in terms of nutrition, but really it's also the thoughts and your mindset. I've learned over the years that real true beauty really comes from within, and it's the glow. It's the genuine happiness and gratitude that's coming within that really makes someone beautiful. So be very mindful of what's, what's going on in your thoughts? What, how is your mindset? And, uh, you'll be surprised how much more beautiful that you feel. The next lesson is your boundaries teach people how to treat you, and it also speaks volumes of the worth that you have for yourself. do not allow others to push the boundaries that you set for yourself. Be very clear about those both in friendships, relationships, family work, and if someone doesn't respect those boundaries, then have a bigger conversation with yourself and with them to decide, do they even deserve to be in my life at all? But yeah, get clear on those boundaries and start enforcing them. the next lesson that I've learned the hard way in my twenties, and this is one that I really need to be mindful of, and that lesson is words hurt. And once those words are said, they are hard to take back. So one thing that I've learned is I need to be more mindful of people's feelings because my intentions aren't always going to be clear just because I feel that my intentions are. Positive doesn't mean that's how they come across. So being a little bit loose with my lips again and saying things before I think, that's, that kind of stuff is hard to take back. And I've definitely have hurt relationships and friendships and family throughout my twenties, by being too quick with my words and, and, and being too reactive. I've learned over the years that people are going to forget what you, maybe you did, but, uh, they're not really gonna forget how you made them feel. So be a little bit more careful of the words that you use. Next lesson is that it's okay to outgrow people, things and ideas. You can change and evolve and just because you grow distance with someone. Nothing had to happen. Maybe you guys just have different values. Maybe you guys are just going down different paths in life. You can still appreciate that friendship or relationship for what it was when you had it, but it's very okay to outgrow those people. It's okay to outgrow things in terms of wardrobes and styles and possessions. Maybe you loved something three years ago or five years ago That was more of who you were then. But if it doesn't match who you are today, then why do you have them? And especially ideas just because you thought a certain way, maybe a few years ago or maybe in your early twenties you can outgrow and change. And, uh, I'm a big believer that people can change. Lesson number 14 out of 20. To give you an idea of where we are in the list, this is a big one that I want others to really learn as well. And the lesson is trust others' expertise and stop acting like such a know-it-all, all the time. I've done this. I mean this, a big one for me was, uh, hairdressers and getting my hair done. I had such control and trust issues over getting a haircut or having someone dye my hair. And what I had to learn over the years is that, This hairdresser or whatever, whatever expertise or career or field someone is in, that's what they do all day long. So obviously they know more about what they're doing than what you do. So you need to trust that they're gonna do a good job. You need to trust what they're telling you and just let them do their thing. I learned this lesson once I got into real estate, and it always bugs me when people think they know more about real estate than I do. Now, some people do, of course, if someone has bought and sold homes many, many, many times over the years, they actually may know more than I do, but sometimes a rental client can come to me and they act like they know every single thing about the neighborhoods and the buildings and the process. And it's, it's, it's really. It's really annoying is what it is. And I always like to say to them like, I do this all day long. Just trust that I know what I'm doing. And because I've been asking that from other people, I've learned that, okay, I need to trust other people in their expertise as well. Like if I go to a burrito place and I'm ordering a burrito and they're like, oh, like what, like sauce do you want? Or, What kind of beans? What kind of salsa do you want? I literally always say, you make whatever you wanna make because I'm also not a picky eater. So there's a couple things that I definitely don't want in it. So I'll say, okay, do whatever you want. I just don't want that or that. And I say to them, You do this all day long, I trust that you know the best sauces to put the best way to grill it. Just do whatever. And I mean, a lot of it has to do with by the time I'm ordering a burrito after work all day, I do not wanna make another decision at all. So I just let other people own the situation, let them control, let them take the lead. And honestly, it's so much better for my mental health. Lesson number 15. I feel like a lot of people need to learn this lesson and that lesson is patience and trusting the timing of everything. You're stuck in that traffic trust, that there is a reason that you'll get at your destination at a later time. Trust that that opportunity didn't work out in your favor. Trust that that relationship didn't work out. Trust that something better is coming. And you can talk to anyone that is in their dream job or their dream relationship and they realize like, oh my God, I can't believe I was ever upset that I didn't get that job, or that relationship ended and it's like there were so many other better things coming. So just have patience that the best is yet to come if you don't feel like you have it yet, and just trust the timing of everything. And next lesson, get comfortable being alone and start looking forward to your alone time. I think this comes with age as you go throughout your twenties, but you need to find things to look forward to. You can't rely on people at all times. You really need to learn how to love your own company. so find things that you look forward to doing. Maybe there's a book that you're reading that you're like, honestly, I can't wait to get home today and just start reading it again. Or maybe there's a show that you wanna watch that every Friday a new episode comes out and you're so excited to just get home and watch it alone. You don't care about anyone else. There's gonna be a time in your life where you're not gonna be alone anymore. You're maybe gonna have a partner, maybe you could have kids, and you're not even gonna be able to use the bathroom alone, and you are going to miss this time in your life where you can just be by yourself with. Absolutely no responsibilities, so just sit and enjoy those times and like I said, get comfortable being alone. Okay, four more lessons left. So, next lesson is be intentional about your environment and especially the home that you create. You need to love it. You need to cherish it, take care of it. It's where you spend a lot of your time and where you sleep. So, Really let your home show your style and your interest and your home doesn't have to look so plain and boring and look like everyone else's. You don't have to get the same furniture as everyone and style it the way Pinterest shows. Create the environment that makes you the most happy. I know for me, that's something I've always taken pride in ever since my, I mean, I've changed my bedroom growing up so many times. my first bedroom in university dorms, like, oh my God. I loved decorating it. And even now, like, I think where I live now and the spot that I've created is truly my favorite one so far. And I mean, I just got back from a, from a two week trip to Portugal and when I walked back into my apartment after I got home from the airport, I was like, I love being here. It was, it's just so nice to come in and I truly look forward to coming home, uh, every single day. So take the time and spend the money and, and create an environment that you truly love to come home to. Okay, lesson number 18. this one I think is gonna hit home for a lot of people. And the lesson is those handful of people in your life that you love the most, your family, your siblings, your really close friends, your partner, never screen their calls. Everyone is busy, but you, you never will know when is the last time they will call. even if it's just a quick answer with, Hey, mom can't chat right now, but I can chat later. Love you. Bye. Something as simple as that, just, I used to, I mean, I still am, very adamant on keeping my phone on do not disturb a lot, especially when I'm working, or especially when I'm focusing, like recording this podcast right now. But there is a handful of people that, even if my phone is on do not disturb, their calls will come through so, Just know who those people are in your life, and, uh, answer every, phone call that ever comes from them. Lesson number 19 is all about having a positive mindset, and I truly believe that having an attitude of gratitude will get you through the majority of hard things in life. When I was 19, I got a tattoo that said, at any given moment there are a thousand things to love. And I've since gotten that tattoo removed just because I didn't like the font, but the meaning still means a lot to me. I would honestly get that tattoo again, just maybe in a different location, different font, different style, but that message still is so true to me. At any given moment, there are a thousand things to love, and no matter what you're going through, no matter the hardships, there's always something that you can see as the glass half full or the light at the end of the tunnel. There's something that always be positive about, and if you are, I, I truly believe that your life will be so much better because of it. And last but not least, lesson number 20. I think this one will also hit home for a lot of people and it's let go of those timelines, especially you girls that are listening. There is so much beauty in doing everything at your own pace, and it's so easy to fall in a trap of, okay, well all of my friends are getting married. I, I guess I'm falling behind, and it's like, Uh, maybe you are quote unquote ahead in other ways in their mind, and you need to stop trying to control all these timelines and things when they're gonna happen. I just think you take the beauty out of all of the, the synchronicities of life that we're given. If you're so obsessed with these timelines and doing things and just, ugh, I just think you take the beauty out of everything. My advice to someone that is really caught up in the timelines is if you are ever questioning kind of where you are in life or if you're falling behind, you need to find someone that can expand your mind that has done a similar timeline as you. So for example, if you're listening to this, you're 40, you're not married, no kids. Who cares? Like what? Like do you think you're the only person in the world that. Was not married and no kids at 40, who cares? You need to find someone else that has lived that situation or who are in that same situation as you and that loves their life. So then maybe you'll have a better example of like, oh, okay, they love their life. Why don't I love mine? you gotta stop comparing everyone else's life to yours and then using almost the, the measurement of happiness to compare those. It's a recipe from misery is what it is. And then another quick example of that is maybe you're 25 with no degree and no traditional education and you're questioning your self worth. Go find another 25 year old That is so crazy successful and with no traditional education, you, you get where I'm going with this, but If you're questioning where you are in life and but, but you're happy, but you feel like you shouldn't be because of the timeline that arbitrarily you have put in your mind, go find someone to expand that mind and show you that the life that you have and the timeline that you're on right now is so, so, so beautiful. So there you have it. 20 lessons that I have learned in my twenties, and some of them, as I said, still learning, uh, over and over and over again until I master them. One thing that me and my friends do during our birthdays is we always ask each other, what do you wanna leave in the, in the past year, and what do you want more of in your next year? So for me it's what do I wanna leave in age 29, or I guess in my twenties, and what do I want more of for age 30? So for me, four things that I wanna leave in my twenties is number one, being reactive and taking things personally. Number two, consumption, especially media and just getting too caught up in everyone else's life and what they're doing and just worrying about that and just over consuming that. Number three, the busy work and the grind. I wanna stop working as hard and I want to work smarter. And number four is a big one that I really wanna leave in my twenties is having pride of doing it all myself. Instead, I want to learn to delegate more and start building a team and learning to trust others. So on the other hand, what I really want from age 30 for me is number one, leaving people better than how I found them. So really just leading with kindness at all times. Number two, more travel and culture and learning languages. I wanna spend more time learning languages. Um, I'm realizing about myself over the past year or so is what. What I really, truly value in life is meeting other people and seeing more of the world. So it's a huge area of my life that I wanna spend more time and money on. Number three. What I want more for, going into the year of 30 is being mindful of saving. I've always been a good saver, but the last couple years I have not been more focused on just building my career. I'm making more money than I ever have, and I just wanna start actually saving that money. So gotta get a little bit more mindful about that. and then the last thing that I really want for age 30 is sitting and thinking more, doing less and creating more. So for me, that's one that I'm gonna put a little bit more energy in. it links back to the busy work and leaving that in my twenties. I want to. Spend more time sitting and thinking, okay, what project or what task is a big win today as opposed to just working, working, working, working. I want to not put so much self worth in the hours I work and instead lean towards the, the impact I'm making. It's gonna be a huge mindset shift, I will say, but definitely one that I want in my thirties. I've had a lot of fun doing this episode, and if there are any lessons that really stood out to you that really resonated, message me and let me know, because I love doing these types of episodes and taking the time to. Reflect and, and share with everyone. This is an episode and the lessons that I reflected on a lot before I finally recorded it. So, um, yeah. I hope some of these lessons, uh, maybe you've learned yourself or maybe, uh, you still have to learn. So without further ado, thank you so much for listening wherever you are today. Have a fantastic day and we'll see you here back next week. Okay, bye. Did you know that I'm not only a podcast host, but in my full-time career, I met Toronto based real estate agent. If you are someone, you know, is a busy professional looking to get into the Toronto real estate market, I highly recommend reaching out to me. You can go directly to my website@wwwdotjenelletremblant.com. And you can click the let's talk button to book a call with me. I work with buyers, renters, and sellers in the downtown and east end areas. So don't hesitate to reach out to me and I would love to help you find your next home. And in the meantime, we'll see you here back next week.